I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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