carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
