now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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