I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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