Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
