Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
