Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
