maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
