Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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