No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
