I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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