You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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