I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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