What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
