But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
