Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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