Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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