I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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