If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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