we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
