textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
