I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
