We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
