Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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