dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
