I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize