Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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