proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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