I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
