My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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