Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
