Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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