Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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