i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
