You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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