id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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