Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
