Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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