I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
