two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
