Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
