All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dick very happy bro
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
