we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
