i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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