once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
