Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
