you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
