so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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