Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My breasts were aching with rage.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
