i barfeds in our rink
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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