then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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