i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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