I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
