It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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