I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
