She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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