I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
