maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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