I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
