Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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