I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
