You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize