im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
