I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
