im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
