On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
