I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize