Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
