My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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