I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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