i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
