Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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