Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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