Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
