I want to stick my p in your. b.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
