dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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