just tell him i said nine months
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
