So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize