oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
wow bdsm is so cute
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