i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
