I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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