my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
