please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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