i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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