I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
