That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
