Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
sarcasm needs its own font
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
