She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
