i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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