hotel room ftw
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
