i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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