I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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