is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
