Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
