Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
